Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my shit smells like andre
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
