Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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