Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Randomize
