Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
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Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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