i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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