she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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