well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize