I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
