so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
