Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
