I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
