I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
