just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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