Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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