Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
