I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
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My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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