Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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