Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
