Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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