I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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