then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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