WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
