I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
