Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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