elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
