So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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