Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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