lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
