Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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