Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
