escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
