I skipped work to stalk him.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
