her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
