We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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