I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
