dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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