I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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