but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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