I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
