I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The struggles of a small town man whore
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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