A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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