Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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