i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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