Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
