So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
