I have demons in me.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
