I think scott just propositioned me for sex
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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