i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
