Don't make out with my wife yet
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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