You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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