I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
