I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
