I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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