So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
