I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
