u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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