someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
