In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
