at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
