at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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