He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
