This house was built for laser tag.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
