Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
