the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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