She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
