Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
