i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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