I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
