please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
