could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
