Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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