Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
