watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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