plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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