I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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