no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
