You smell like a Billy Joel song
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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