OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So many bounce houses so little time
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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