Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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