Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
