Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
