I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
