I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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