Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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