how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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