You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
