3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
