When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
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I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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