I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
